It’s a fondly asserted belief within UFOlogy circles that aliens have instituted a cross-breeding program for the purpose of creating a race of alien-human hybrids.

Setting aside for the moment the numerous problems regarding stability of the resultant chromosome structures, as well as the potential mutations this sort of act would introduce into a global environment ill-prepared to handle such trauma, can somebody please tell me what intelligent lifeform would even consider mingling its DNA with that of an inferior species?  Do aliens not understand evolution? Are they neo-creationists, or are they just fond of taking two steps back for every one step forward?  Or, even more frightening on a level few people are willing to contemplate freely, are these aliens just Kansas Republicans borrowing a few chosen perspectives from the Church of Latter Day Saints? Aside from the wishful thinking of Hollywood, is it even possible for an entire species to commit suicide or bring about self-extinction without the cause and effect that alien-human hybrids would invariably represent?  With all due apologies to Robert Zelazny, author of A Rose for Ecclesiastes, these are the questions that would keep me up at night if I, too, were a lemming.

For me the most enjoyable resolutions to the UFO theologies currently being escalated to the level of science by people who refuse to even attempt a high school level understanding of science are those that neglect the details, as in “if you ignore details, you’ll never be able to figure out which direction a tadpole is looking, because in a muddy creek, you really can’t see their little eyes as well as you can see their little tails.”  When applied to any discussion regarding the possible creation of one species attained by combining the DNA structures of two different species originating and apparently evolving within two completely different biological systems, i.e., the planet Earth and any other planet anywhere else in the cosmos, this precept suggests that there’s probably something equally important being overlooked or ignored, something that is fundamentally necessary for us to contemplate in order to understand the concepts being examined.

In other words, a lot of people are bypassing the details, which in this case is particularly and uniquely strange, because that singular topic of value that we have neglected to consider, the one that we’ve apparently decided to ignore completely, is also a topic that most people have a base desire or need or instinct to otherwise contemplate or apply to our existence as much as possible:  sex. And when you get right into any deep examination of alien-human hybrids and the purpose and means behind their creation, you always end up talking about sex.

Sex is one of those few qualities of life that just puts our minds on edge and shakes the whole world around us in mock rage and glamour until we’re finally satisfied for a turning of time.  And deep inside of us, at that point of our being where we’ve forgotten who we are and what we need and where we’re going and who we want with us when we achieve those things worthy of our pride instead of simply resting forever without shame or reflection, consisting of little more than our eternal reliance on what we want, it is sex that always shows up first, as if waiting for us to catch up, with a twinkle in his beady little eyes, and a cigarette in his hand, and a nonchalance that is inhumanly gratifying even as he whispers, “hey, what kept you?”  It is this insistent and immediate quality that gives the human mind such grand creativity whenever sex is involved or intermingled with belief. And when that happens, we can shake down the stars from the skies.

For the most part, sex has been intertwined with the UFO mythos since the very beginning of the contact stories that started popping off like firecrackers in the 1950s.  It’s such a common aspect of the phenomena that even the most jaded humorists of the day can rely on it consistently with just the barest of introductions.  The mere mention of aliens in the context of “probe” is more than enough to bring to mind a sexual examination by one alien species in mystic confusion of another’s poorly interpreted gender. The reference has been used to great effect by “The Simpsons”, “South Park”, SNL, and entire generations of stand-up comics from the 1960s to the present, and these are jokes nobody really has to explain. We get it – instantly and always, and sometimes, depending on the delivery and the timing of the comic, with sly, rude laughter.  Sex between species that evolved under completely different biological systems and recreational laws is always funny (unless you’re a critic), even when it’s never been possible to model that situational comedy on something consistent and measurable in the world we call “real life.”

We laugh at a lot of things that may not be funny in and of themselves.  Our humor, in fact, is often the way we react to pain or anguish that can’t be avoided or prevented, and any examination of this phenomenon shows us in great and undeniable detail exactly how wonderful and self-healing our minds actually are.  Sometimes in life, we can come across something that is so abhorrent to our psychological health that its existence alone is considered a threat to our well-being, but our minds actually have the ability to mitigate that threat by turning it into something that it’s not, or by parcelling out aspects of it to dark arenas of our slowly developing conscience to prevent it from injuring the mind as a whole.  We deal with the internal pain of memories that are capable of turning us into depositories of knowledge that we find supremely disturbing by changing how we remember and what we remember.  For instance, a child who has been raised to believe that he must love his mother, because all mothers are good and caring and admirable might develop a dissociative identity disorder if his own mother is a horrible person who seems to enjoy beating him or searing his body parts with an electric iron.  His mind might create a new identity to reside within the spark of his personality in order to do little but soak up his memories of that pain, thereby allowing the greater portion of his mind to develop in what we might consider a more “normal” environment.  In that way, only a small portion of his identity would be forced to deal with the trauma surrounding him.

In a similar manner, a man or woman who grew up being sexually molested by members of his own family might be unwilling to believe that the authors of that undeserved punishment were people he or she loved and considered protective, the guardians of youthful existence.  In such a case, the mind might develop a defense that turns his familial late night visitors into something so alien to normal humanity, that there would be no threat to the mind’s categorical rejection of such a painful cause and effect. The author of such pain becomes an alien that has chosen his subject for very special reasons having nothing to do with family or pleasure or love, and everything to do with survival or some form of cosmological communication or a recognition of internal sanctity, a sign of his having been chosen. It’s very easy for us to create UFOs and populate them with aliens from the other side of the galaxy if the only audience necessary for validation is the one sitting alone in the theater behind our otherwise closed eyes.

We are a malleable species with a great capability to grow and develop because our minds are far more interested in the creation of concepts, needs, and desires that reflect what we want and what we need far above the wants and needs of any other real or imagined consciousness anywhere in the universe.  This has nothing to do with the much affirmed modern assertion that even if God did not exist, we would find within ourselves the need to create Him.  This is far more dangerous than anything having to do with our concept of God, because it relies only on our concept of ourselves, our primal identity, and most of us are simply unaware that there is such an animal, one that even cryptozoologists have yet to identify.  Being an identity-based consciousness, however, means it doesn’t resort to two-way communication and it sometimes can only make that leap of self-identification by tricking you into seeing the effects of its presence within.  Your mind doesn’t often send you an email saying, “look, I made a few changes here and there in the way we think and feel, and I hope you don’t mind, but we’re now star citizens, and you’re going to save the universe from nuclear decay.”  And that means you need to rely on other people to tell you how absolutely bat-shit crazy you might actually be, which is exactly why we are such social creatures.  We need to be. Our minds would turn us into monsters without other people around to help us out with the validation of identity.

Which brings us to the really fun part of this shock-house carnival ride: if you can find enough bat-shit crazy people in the world to say, “you know, maybe that’s not such a stupid idea,” you can actually start your own religion. This is when the validation of identity becomes a weapon that is normally used most effectively against those who don’t believe in the things that you’ve been tricked into believing by your own mind.  Sometimes, the things that our mind comes up with can cause us to believe in the great benefits that can be gained by using new tools such as binding body parts to stifle growth, using circumcision as a religious affirmation, depending on self-flagellation or other forms of bodily punishment to focus the heart on spiritual decay, relying on eye-for-an-eye justice systems, treating children as adults, instituting the necessity for human sacrifice, ritualizing the consumption of the blood of innocents, or murdering entire populations to satisfy the hunger of God for the sanctification of man.  All world-encompassing terrors thought to be the instructions of God were inspired within the human mind, and the differences between the sacred and the profane reside only within the human heart.  Holocaust originally referred to a burnt offering, an expression of holiness, a gift from man to God assessed as a religious duty.  Beliefs of this sort can exist quite comfortably in the absence of social formulae.  It’s only my opinion, of course, but I don’t see anything terribly useful in a belief system that can exist without social relevance.  After all, something like that tends to make other people unnecessary, and up to now, other people is the only reason our species has been able to avoid extinction.  Remove that reliance, and you will have removed everything.

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