Nathalie's Story

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Nathalie's Story

Postby ryguy » Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:43 pm

Hello Everyone,

After some discussion, we are going to provide a unique thread for Ysensa to do some writing. This thread won't be for discussion - the discussion of the content posted in here can take place in the question/answer thread that has already been created. We are providing this thread because Nathalie claims to have a story to tell, and real information to reveal - but is concerned about the information being used by other people from the the public who are reading this. She's also concerned about the immediate responses that the writings might provoke. In the interest of the information, this "blog" type area is being provided on a conditional basis - depending on the content and factual nature of the content (real names/places etc...)

Nathalie will send me each update via PM, and I will post the updates in this thread and signed off by her.

Please Note - All information written in this thread is the intellectual property of Nathalie / Ysensa. None of the information contained in this thread may be used in any nonfiction or fictional form - be it book, movie, etc... Any unauthorized use of this content will be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowed under existing national and international copyright laws. The story contained in these posts is to be considered protected intellectual property and should be treated as such. Any linking or reposting of the content within this thread may only legally be done only with the express written or verbal permission of Nathalie herself. Should you desire to quote anything here, please contact Nathalie, or one of us, via PM or email (via the contact email on our website).

Thank you - stay tuned, and enjoy the story.

-Ry
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Postby ryguy » Sat Nov 04, 2006 12:32 am

Part 1 - Childhood

***Moderator's note*****
The tale below is Nathalie's life. It is one she hasn't told in full before, but has now decided to sit down and tell. She is starting at the beginning, so that those who read what she writes have a better understanding of where the words come from, and the entire history of her tale.

The story and description below is somewhat graphic and difficult to read. If anyone reading this is sensitive to the topic of incest, rape, and abuse of young children, please consider moving on to other areas of the forum. This story is not for the faint of heart, but it is one that Nathalie very much wants to tell. So we are providing her with this place to tell it in her own way.

The content below has been pasted directly from the PM Nathalie sent. No grammer, spelling, or formatting changes have been made.

Thank you. -Ry
**********


I am sitting here behind my computer, wandering how to start the story by starting with my own life story.
.Ryguy pointed out that it would make it easier on the readers mind, to understand the content of my writings.
I did not intend to go public in this way, but after thinking a few days, it might be the best to tell the story by starting at ‘point zero’, so it might be best to let the reader ‘walk’ with me through the magic forests of Gaia..that became the Maya illusion such as we know it today to be.

Th reason why I wanted to tell the story is manifold. And has been pushed to the ‘front line’ due to what happened while I was in St. Louis, but most of all due to what happened in Toronto/Ontario, which Confirmed the visuals I got from Toronto while being in the Netherlands, which has to do with pedophiles and magic and mindcontrol and some more.

We have been Programmed for a long time, we are dealing with Mindcontrol, for different reasons, within each class of society. I am what is called a MILAB, who got unlocked from the mainframe computer. Which caused me to wake up completely, and see things for that what they are. How it happened and who or what was behind this unlocking of my person, became one quest for me to find out. Did I find it strange that it happened? Not at all, simply because I never forgot the days of my childhood, and the ‘education’I received. Nor did I forget my own childhood knowledge. From the day that I got unlocked, I regarded myself as a unit seeking her way out of the matrix. Like some DNA program got activated within me set of to find that one door and gather along the way.
Which again released memories from my childhood in my brain, reminding me of the fact, that I knew as of childhood, that one day the world would become like it is now, and that I would start walking and talking in order to find the ‘others’. Which would be before some huge turning point for the whole wide world. I knew that I would be older and that many would be younger, which indeed has become the case.

I also knew as of a very young age, that one day I would take upon me the ‘Battle’ Against Peadophiles. This knowinge and feeling came from inside, which was supported by the first rapes in my life conducted by my father, a very religious male, who feared the devil, like most religious minds do [ jakereason/OM is one good example] and was very violent like most religous fathers are towards their children. The truth of the matter is that many parents are extremely violent to their children, a fact that I knew as of childhood, due to the children I got to know, who’s parents were of the beating and raping program . Child abuse in whatever form within a household has nothing to do with being poor or rich, black or white or asian or..and serves the great experiment.

I was born November 1962, in the Netherlands. I was covered in Porkfat. My mother had developed a sick appetite for porkfat, not the meat, but fried porkfat brrrr.. she became so fat during pregnancy that I was growing within a layer of porkfat. My mother and aunts liked to talk about this moment of my mothers life, when they talked about their weight issues. It seems that they had to scrape the fat of my body, that I was laying in some cocoon fat bag, she gained more than 35 killo’s when she was pregnant of me. This was one thing I regarded as nasty, until I went into biochemistry, and read that porkfat is filled with Tryptophane. Which to me explained at least one part of why my mind works the way it does. When it comes to the location/place I was born, for a long time my mother said I was born in a little hospital, which was supported by one small photo where she lays in the hospital bed, with me on her arm. Then at a certain date she switched the story and I was born in the house of my aunt. Just as the god-parents I got, due to being baptized/catholic, one part of her life my mother said that my godmother was white..then later on it was my aunt who became my godmother. The same with the name Bethlehem..one day it was the name fo the hospital, the other day I became the name of the church were I was baptized.

The irritating fact is that most of my childhood photos disappeared miraculously from the family albums, about 6 years ago and my mother has no idea, who took them and my brother and sisters do not have any photos either. My mother needs photos to remember anything from the past. And lately that does not even work.

I was born within a strange bloodmixed family line, mothers side; she was born in curacao her mother being German/jew-her father Chinese/Suriname and father side; he was born france [ is what we know] his mother being black Cherokee Indian and his father being Arab as far as I know mix Egypt/Iraq. Reason why I say as far as I know is that there are way to many truths, and way to many things that simply do not fit, like whole family tales/memories changing over night.


Anyway back at my father and the abuse..my father did something very strange, before he raped me the first time.
This man was into party drugs, like not everyday but the once in while thing [ at the end of his live he was addicted and deadly broke] before this man attacked my body, he put heroine on my lips, and said [ due to the weirdness of it all I never forgot what he said] ‘this will protect you’ at that time of course I did not understand at all. So maybe my levitation had something to do with this as well? Was one question I had for a long time. He was able to rape me as well as one sister of mines, a younger one, I am the oldest.
To the question where was my mother? Well she was working fulltime and he was only doing his own thing..spoiled brought up with money male [ my mother had a bad taste in men] which was my memory as told by the older family members. Who in my eyes were very strange peoples. A lot was very strange in those days in this country. Like the school I went to, for the longest I had no memory about that first school, I was in kindergarden, yet not one soul in my family can remember where. When it comes to memory, my mind is very scharp, I can still remember clearly the first french-fry my mother gave me, I was sitting on the pottie in the kitchen while my mother was making frenchfry’s and she gave me one after she blew it so it would not burn my mouth. And I realized a long time ago, that my memories where strange, because I contained memories that my family doesn’t have. Further more being away for such a long time, miraculously changed their memories into new memories completely different from mines as well as from eachothers. The system has scrambled the memories of many humans, especially of those living in the western-worlds.

What I remember very clear ; I wrote as of childhood, I made drawings that were not that of a little child, books were my food, and always till a certain age things were taken away, always by the schools, in the nunhouse, and one long period in some hospital. Why exactly I was in that hospital is also beyond me, my mother said once that it was due to some nose bleeding, yet I was there for months and months. At a later date my mother said, they wanted to do some test with you or something like that..giving me some chills, wandering how a mother can forget about such things when it comes to her own children. I was around 5/6 years old at that time. What I remember from my kindergarden, was that I was always taken away to another building, and brought back before the end of the day. The exact things that happened there are not really clear, that there were tests done I remember, that I sat in front of computers I remember as well, and that I played wargames, I remember clearly because I had fun-to me they were games-navigation- strategics-combat and stuff like that. Also test with numbers..guessing things predicting things. Yet when I try to see the faces they are blurred. And when I try to remember the kindergarden building itself it becomes a black screen. When I try to remember the way to the kindergarden starting from home, I get only the beatings or rape flashes from my father. By now I can say that this abuse was merely preparing my system for programming.

When it comes to the hospital, these memories never faded, they always remained in my head. My mother knows so little about this period, what she remembers is that yes I was there a bit longer, how long exactly she can not remember, that I painted yes, that I was not allowed to take my paintings with me and that she never got explaination. I was brought to that hospital due to a nose bleeding, which started spontaneous, and did not want to stop, by the next day I was in that hospital, a huge room, even for todays standards, a painting corner in front of a wondow, a huge garden , a desk books and writing material. I got some nose surgery , woke up during surgery, remember how they drugged me with ex gas, and how I woke up a few days later. I was alone, no other children anything, only adults, many questions, yet not as absurd as in the nunhouse. The paintings as far as I can remember have always been about the universe and stars other planets, in connection to the earth, whales, the womb, earth and fish symbols and little snakes and circles and triangles and all sorts of scribbles. My writings were always about the world, about how we were created, that is in my eyes, who people were in pain and why we have wars, as well as that there were peoples in the TV. Ok at that time I was around 6 years old. They kept everything. Not one piece of paper was I allowed to take with me.

It was the smartness that caused my father to not being able to resist and hitting me or worse. I always laughed at him and told him how weak he was, cause he was big and I was little and he always did it when nobody was there, so therefore it was bad. The answer I always got was Bang!
Then came that day where my mother wanted to kill my father due to finding out that he was abusing us, [ this action is what saved her in my eyes from being a lousy mother] police came and the children were brought to state homes and I ended up in some real nunhouse..nuns dressed up and all. prayers, bible madness, confessions, like almost every day, is when I learned religion teaches the many how to lie. How in heavens name can a human do bad things every day that needs to be confessed? To a priest in church? Say you kill some one, you go to the church, confess to some priest, does this make the sin less or forgiveable in the eyes of their god? if so, pre tell who is that god of the bible?..has been my question since childhood.
This nunhouse was very strange, the children, were beaten, locked and screamed at. Many were afraid of these nun’s from hell. Yet when it came to my person they for some reason did not dare to touch me, they locked me up if I did something bad in their eyes, yet as they locked me in their old library, I had access to their books, many old books in latin, greek, hebrew , english and german and of course dutch. I always grabbed a book and would read or marvle at the symbols and drawings. And most of the time I was in locations somewhere in that house, where older males would ask me questions, about god, who he was and if I knew where he was, again I was stimulated to write [ a thing many strangers have been trying to do since the year 2000] and was allowed to paint all by myself no other child around.. same sort of paintings as in the hospital. They questioned me about life matters, how I thought the world was formed and why I thought this..and something else which had to do with music notes. They tried to force me to play an instrument which I refused. For some reason was I able to sit behind the piano and play some tunes, this was when I was little. I was never in the mood to take lessons and this little talent faded away. And when it comes to string instruments, I was very sensitive, and always saw things when listening, then they would ask me what I saw..which was mostly the universe planets and lines like roads connecting all planets including earth together , I would dream about these things as well or would fly between the planets..that there was live on other planets was clear to me when I was very young. I would see certain faces, in my dreams, yet not like some weird looking aliens, like humans yet more nobel. And other faces not so human yet not like what is said about what aliens are suppose to be. No little grey man for my eyes.
I was also very skilled at dancing, loose bones. Ballet was one thing I liked, yet in the nunhouse things became different, for some reason was the teacher , a male not to found of me. even that I was the best as others stated at some date, he would let me stand the longest on my toes, make me do things which only advanced adult dancers may do. And he beat my feet with his stick and was very racist, I was the only coloured girl in that school. [ in 2002 when I was shown many things from my past, for one part the TV was used, to show me clippings from my past and this male ballet teacher was in it as well confessing to somebody his sins by this I knew how he looks like in our present days, just as one of these older males who questioned me when I was in the nunhouse. The things he said were very strange, and brought back memories like bang! At the end he said but she turned out to be stronger than we thought-and I saw myself running through that white building, it took a few sec’s before I realized ..hey wait a moment that is meít was strange seeing myself, age 5/6 running though that building, opening doors as if I was looking for something-I was smiling so my guess is that I had fun that day]
Then one day I woke up in the hospital, my feet, my ankle kaput to no repair story..so I was not suitable anylonger for ballet. How this accident happened up to today no answer. One of the many strange moments of my lfe.

Then one day my mother barged in demanding her children and we took of for her birth-country Curacao.
By now my mother had a new little son, his name was D’Angelo. He was very special, he was born awake and advanced in behaviour, at the age of 2 he was talking and advising others and telling them what to do, and the creepy part was that he was always right. he was like a adult in the body of a little boy. People came to see him, for weeks it was bussy at the place we stayed. My mothers plan had been 3 months relaxing then back where the house would be reday for her to move in. Fait decided otherwise, on her birthdate she was in a car accident, the whole collone that went for her beach birthday party picknick, banged into eachother , due to some drunken cardriver, my mother was in the first car, my brother on her lap in the front seat,. Her car was hit, rolled around, and banged hill downwards, my little brother his body flew out of the car, the car hit his body while rolling further downhill, and the many where thrown out of the car. My mother was the first to wake up, stumbled down hill toward my brother who was cut open his brain out of his skull his legs and arms and neck broken..the many saw how my mother grabbed the brain and put it back and then she lifted his broken body not letting go. My mother had broken her arms her leg and her backbone, which created the need for hospitalization, and a few years of living on that Island. Bad years for all of us. Needless to say she never recovered this accident, to her he was holy. She drank her sorrow away and became a livelog alcoholic. Which is one sure bet to forget even your own name.

My brother and one sister were placed with my fathers family, where they were beaten and raped, both of them. On sister was placed with my mothers god-aunts, who locked her up and beated the hell out of her, they were very religious, and insisted on purifying my sister, well they did so alright, this girl became so psycho in her head, that she did everything god/religion and the bible they used to beat her in the head, forbid, she became a call-girl and later and some kick ass stripper who gave birth to some little devil she named Joshua, for real, this kid was born with his head turned the right, it took about 8 months before his head was normal. He is now 5 or 6 years old and he has been kicked out of every kindergarden in that whole town and she lives in a main head city in Europe. He has beaten little kids into half coma states, he has caused wounds by biting so hard, like a pitbull he wont let go. His rage is not normal. And he is way to smart, like a little omen boy.

Then the youngest sister was placed in a temporary adoptive parent, due to her being a baby. Who at a later date had to be kidnapped back by my mother and a few family members because these people did not want to give my mother her child back. Then at a later date when my mother got sick again, she was placed at a adoptive yet not in total shared parenthood with my mother kind of thing. Where she was raped by the male as of the age of 6, while the adoptive mother was dying of spread concer.

I was placed , again in some catholic nun-house, but in the weekend I was put in some normal state home, which was strange, with the nuns I learned a lot, it was relaxed, but in the weekend I was beaten with ropes by the black care takers who screamed that they would teach me to think that I was some little princess etc madness..this was due to the nunhouse being white and classy and me there during the week. I never cried and visualized their heads dangling from some poles. They would force me to sit on my knees, for hours with the bible on my head, and scream nasty things in their language..never liked these Island people. Violent and loud, a lot of rape and incest. In the back of that state home, there were some peoples living, who did voodoo , killing chickens and doing their little evil deeds. I never liked these Islands mentalities way to violent and loud, a lot of rape and incest and voodoo madness.

Then around I was 12/13 years old, we went back to the Netherlands.
---
"Only a fool of a scientist would dismiss the evidence and reports in front of him and substitute his own beliefs in their place." - Paul Kurtz

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Postby ryguy » Sun Nov 05, 2006 5:00 pm

Part 2 - Orphanage, Schools, and the Fashion World

----------------------

The age was not 12/13 but around 11 years old.

Back in the Netherlands, the strangeness of things continued. Due to my mothers accident , she had lost the house, and we were firstly placed at my fathers house [ child-protection is one of the biggest farces in the Netherlands ] so that my mother could arrange matters with the Dutch state. Due to the ways of this male, my mother had to take us away, and we were put in some state home, in some rural part of the Netherlands. T
The memory of that what had happened in the netherlands had faded a bit to the background, due to new memories of the car accident that almost handicapped my mother, and the weird ‘educations’ from the abusive religious caretakers on the Island. By now I had developed into a youngster, who was extremely suspicious of basically everything adults did, and simply could not believe a word they insisted to be the truth.

At the earliest age I learned and witnessed the many adults who seemingly could not resist themselves by lying 24/7, especially to youngsters and children. From parents to teachers to nuns and priest as well as doctors and nurses all seem to be programmed to lie to children. And all seem to be convinced that a child simply forgets their lies, not so. The children and youngsters talk, back then as today about the many lies they receive from adults. Many times I have been asked by youngsters why adults lies this much. My answer back then, they seem to forget what they say and when they said it.
At a later date I said the system programs the adults and children in such ways that both sides will always think the other to be lying, in order to cause friction between the adults and children, so the children will never listen to their parents.
This state home, we were in, was very militaristic in education. The children came from all sorts of races, coming from abusive households and many where there due to at one point a dutch parent wanting to adopt them, yet when they saw the child, these people would say ; No thanks.. he or she is not to our liking. There were also children, who had been adopted, by adults who would beat/rape and use the children as household cleaners.
The house was set up as some Labyrinth, which caused the children to get lost if they went up the wrong stairs, which always caused confusion, and even fear amongst the children. The children talked about dreams, horror dreams, which made many of them pie in their bed. To me this was strange, why would you get afraid of dreams? I did not get that, my dreams where always of the flying type, exploring the world and the universe, I loved these kind of dreams. So of course I wanted to know, why the kids were afraid of their dreams, so I embarked on a mission wanting to find out why these kids were afraid. When I asked they never gave me any answers. And at one point one of the care takers warned me and forbid me to question the other children. I have always been a strange sleeper, since childhood I can stay awake a week if I want to. [ as of this year my body can stay awake 40 days-nothing bad happens at all, fact the mind gets so sharp, like an animal. ] And back in those days, I stayed awake so I could discover what was happening there. What can I say , as they say Scorpio’s have a sick sense of curiousity.

What I discovered in that house was, that at night, things happened, at times it was like one part of that building would turn around, and doors would open. Adults entered that house by certain stairs were the children were never allowed to enter. And would either be awaited by a night care taker, or would know exactly which room they entered. Then the next day the same child would look very tired and talk about bad dreams. Some children developed in wrong ways due to this, were aggressive, did not want to learn, and fell asleep during daytime. They would put these children on medications, to keep them calm. Such as it was back then, so it is today, nothing changed, things just became worse for the many children who end up in the hands of the system.
I was not touched, or so I thought. The day the memory closet regarding this state home, opened up a little, I realized, oops its possible they did the same to me, which explained my development in that house. I was very protective of the younger ones, would take up fights with the care-takers and older youngsters. due to the ways I would take up a fight, they isolated me many times from the other kids.

I would force confrontations, demanding of the care takers were they were the night before, and why I would see them crawling through the corridors late at night opening doors to the children their bedrooms, and I wanted to know who these strangers were who came at night and I wanted to know why these children would think that they were dreaming.
These kind of questions caused them to lock me on the other side, were mostly adults would be, were they sat me down and ordered me to read books, which was never a punishment. Around this time I got one book, called Crusade in Jeans , which became my bible. And I promised every adult that smelled like child rapists, that one day I would lead all children against all adults who raped and beat the hell out of them. Many times they would laugh at me, insisting me to be a little devil who knew to much for her own good. The reason why they called me devil in this house was due to the way I confronted them with their own thoughts and feelings, which created a certain paranoia in them. This was one thing that freaked the nuns out as well, and made teachers in school become very edgy around me.

There was one little boy, that had a certain energy, he was always alone, very afraid, and he was Hawaii. He was waiting for adoptive parents, he had been dropped by the first adoptive parent, due to not speaking that much. When I came to that house, for weeks I would look at him, without talking to him. Then one day he was standing alone outside, and I went to him when I wanted to touch him on his schoulder he cringed, and backed off. This to me was the proof I needed, so I went after him and asked him if these man came to his room and hurt him at night. He froze, and started to cry. I crabbed his hand and went to one part of the garden so we could talk. He was called Anu..but this was not his full name. So in my memory he remained Anu. His dreams where that one day he could fly away and discover the world, and that one day he could go back to Hawaii. I developed and very strong protection sense towards this kid, he was 3 years younger than me, yet at that time he seemed like 10 years younger than me. One day he came to the breakfast room, and he could not sit normal, he was in pain. I sensed his pain and saw red, I asked him who he saw that night and he pointed to one of the males and one female caretaker. I have no idea how it happened exactly, but.I became so angry, jumped towards the table with the breadknife, grabbed that thing, jumped towards the male and grabbed him and stabed him to his side. My aim seem to have been his spleen. Due to me being little and him being big, he managed to grab hold of me dangling me above the ground like some little worm.
The talks they had were of the kind, that they said they never saw any of the children fight like this and they insisted that I fought like some trained combat soldier, and they insisted that I was dangerous so they locked me away from the other. tried to blackmail me by not feeding me. Due to the nunhouse and the state home on the Island, I was trained, I would steal boxes of sugar, eat sugar and drink water, and could go for weeks without food. What it brought me was that they feared me, left me alone, locked me up with books, and by this they again contributed to me teaching myself that what was in concordance with my born memory.
But what also occurred, was that one part of the memory from that period, is black, at one point I can not remember which school I was brought to. It was not the same school I was before any longer.
What I do remember from this ‘other’school, was the teachers, all male, all older, all smelling like ex military males, who were mighty proud of their service to their fatherland.

I was put to write essays about the world, and about humans. The other children in class did not get these requests. One essay I shall never forget. The one which was about what happens when a female is pregnant and what happens with the new human growing inside of her.
I described the whole process, how the health and the psyche of the mother was crusial for the development of the baby, how everything she feels, experiences and eats affects the baby.
How violence in the house and fights caused stress for the baby and that lack of sleep affected the growth of the baby. And what sort of foods the mother must eat and what not. I wrote about milk from the cow being bad and making human babies sick, and that milk was only for the baby and not for them, because they were no babies. And that it was important for the mother to listen to nice music and do nice things, so the baby would be happy inside.
This essay caused something, strange adults looking like Nazi doctors came to the school, to meet the child who wrote that essay. When they saw me they were first silent. Then one male said Oh boy people this is not good, make sure she does not talk like that any more. They took the papers away. And the drilling of my mind started again. What they did , I can not see clear. What I remember were the voices screaming and beating. During the day I was trained in the sports, running, athletics, and swimming. I excelled yet hated every day. They discovered that I was able to swim under water very long, so they started to test how long. At one point I started to rebel kick everybody around me away, broke a few noses and caused little wounds, which resulted in them at one moment to say, its enough. As far as I understand they were pleased with the fact that they had broken my spirit, as one of these old drolling man said. My mother nor many parents will never know what really happened to their children in these children state-homes
Did it silence me up? Nope. It just made me think carefull before answering any adults and more determined to find out why adults were so violent towards children.

From here one we moved to one city, which my mother did not like, and we moved again to another city, which was the city, my mother remained in up to today.
In this new city/house [ age 13] again strange things happened. This time it was of the weird spiritual matter. Or so I thought at that time, and even that now I realize exactly what the hell happned, I still can not say it was a 100 Milab/mindcontrol madness , due to certain things really being of spirit/ghost/paranormal origine.
After a few weeks in the new house things restarted again , with some new twists.
One day I went to bed, my bed started to move up and down from left to right. my first reaction was I dived under the covers, then I screamed for my mother, who barged into my room asking what was wrong, I said put the lights on, which she did, my sister was standing next to her , when I jumped out of the bed and opened the windows. They looked at me and asked what had happened, I I said its ok the devil is gone. My mother developed a nasty taste for crosses as well in that house, which made me react like I was some whatever..I hated these things, and I told my mother that she knew about voodoo. And that praying to that cross and calling this god was exactly the same as voodoo. I kept reminding my mother of all the horrors religion brought the world, and all the wars they fought and how they burned females and children as well as dogs and cats, because of their psychic powers and because the females saw the future.

My mother did not want to listen and one day I turned every cross around in the house. My mother entered the house with one of my old aunts who was a slave to religion, and both got a heartattack. My old aunt was convinced for the longest that there were some spirits in my house, and became afraid of me, due to me confronting her with everything she did bad in her live, like popping children and letting my grandmother and my mother, who was just a child take care of her children, while she was doing voodoo in her Christian church. I would point out to everybody that something was wrong with her, and her god. Because every plant she bought, and put in her house would die within 2 to 3 weeks. Every bunch of flowers she got would be death the next day in her house, filled with crosses as well. My mother turned the crosses back to their original position, and I would get up and turn them around again. Till one day she realized this was a battle she could only loose.

I was very confronting towards others which just became stronger, and worse for many due to me getting older and gaining in live experiences faster than most around me.
I had to go to school yet I refused, screaming that I refused to learn their lies, pointing at schoolbooks that contained complete different truths than the real historical dates and truths. My argument showed itself to be strong, and the dutch state allowed me to do as I please but I had to pick a school. Which I did, after checking with some kid from the neighbouhood about their schools. One shool a low leveled one was to my liking due to their teachings of old Dutch-English and German. The teacher an older female who knew everything about ww1 and ww2, had books diaries and photos for me to learn truths about ww2 which the system up to today has done its utmost best to hide from the new generations, as well as to install new truths/memories within the heads of the many so they would forget.
In the beginning of the school year older students were present , yetafter 2 months the only one that was left was me, as the material was to difficult or boring for the older kids. As the teacher was heading for her pension leave , I was allowed to take classes with her for her last 2 years and due to the material I was allowed to skip other classes. The day she left was the day I refused to go to this school any longer, yet as I still needed to go to school, again I had to pick another school which became the fashion academy in DenHague and officially from there to Amsterdam. I was just killing time.

Many strange things occurred in these years, car accidents without me having one scratch, falling accidents without me breaking any bones and not getting blue bruises. Predicting all sorts of things became stronger and stronger. Memories were trying to come to the surface, flashes of the beatings and abuses came back, yet it was not just my father his face I saw, white older males danced in front of my eyes, making me wonder what the hell I was seeing, and who the hell were these males?
At times I would feel the urge to go outside, I would bike for hours then come back home..is what my memory was at first. I would be very tired, could go upstairs to sleep some hours before I had energy again. Sometimes my mother asked me what I had been doing, my answer biking.
Then came the day that I got my period, which was a strange day. The moment I saw the blood, I knew that I had to buy a flower. The flower I wanted to buy was not in the flower shops and I came home with a big poster of a White Lilly, laying in silk with water dew on the flower and leaves. I hanged the poster on my wall in my bedroom, and announced to everybody, that as of now I would see more and know more. Of course I could not explain why I said this, yet I knew, and so did it commence. Making me more a pain in the ass for adults who lied to me. resulting in many saying that they did not want to talk to me, which caused me to .laugh, always telling them that they were afraid that I would tell everybody that they were lying.
Then a new thing occurred, I would go to sleep with my pyjamas on, to wake up naked in bed, to get up wondering where my pyjama was, to find them either outside of my bedroom, down the stairs or even outside of the house. As this started to happen a bit to often, I would lock my room at night, put bells on the door, so I would wakeup due to the nose it would make if I would leave my room.
One day my belly was growing, but I had my period, and no sex at all. [ much later did I embark on a sexual relationship ] as my belly was growing my mother took me to the doctor, who was able to tell us that I was pregnant, how I got pregnant was at that time a mystery, my mother looked at me and said I did not know you have a boyfriend, and I lied to her telling her that one day at a party I had a wine and I can not remember anything, this was enough for her to accept and insist that I was stupid.
Due to the pregnancy being 5 months old, I was questioned by some shrink, as to how strongly did I wanted this abortion or if it was my mother pressing me..the question which made the shrink decide right away that it was better for me to have this abortion was ; He asked me if I could be tender..i looked at him demanding for him to explain to my ears exactly what he meant by this. As he was babbling his shrink nonsense I said; You mean the way you adults are tender with your children raping them to death? He looked at me with strange eyes amd said; YEP you do not want a child. Like duh I was freaking 14 years old. They activated the birthing process in the hospital. It took about 2 weeks before the fruit left my body. For me that was that. I did not bother my head with the how of the pregnancy due to knowing that at a certain age I would remember and know.
My mind was very aware of things not to be that what the many peoples thought them to be. I was aware of the illusions that were created around the many, so they would believe certain things and they would then behave the way the system wanted the peoples to behave. I witnessed so many contradicting behaviours and reactions afterwards, that at many a times I wondered who was hypnotizing the many to do such things.
Then one day my brother told me a few things that stayed in my head. He had taken a school holyday job, in the same hospital that had aborted me . He said ; They have a very thick dossier from you, they have done something with your abortion. I was curious and we planned to sneek in and check this dossier, but before we hade the change, they fired him, and offered him another job in another part of the hospital. So we never were able to check things.
I was in the fashion academy, yet.. I never intended to stay long there, my mind was set on leaving this country. At that time [ end 70s/beginning 80s] the fashion industry had been under attack for some time, due to the Pedophiles taking over this world, which caused the usage of little girls as young as 3 years old to grace the Covers of many fashion magazines such as Vogue etc and Editorials. This Pedophile power was displayed everywhere, birthed movies like Lolita Blue Lagoon and prozac actors, insisting themselves to be virgin at the age of 30..like duh.
The days that this pedo power was reintroduced clear and present in the fashion world, there was a news paper in the Netherlands, that showed pedophile cartoons, baby boy in diapers, adult man chashing the baby boy, lusting after the boy, and ripping his pampers away kind of humour. Just as there were journalist pieces appearing weekly or daily in the news papers writing about the joy one little kid can bring a whole family, how incest was the way to go, how gay sex was a natural godlike state within humanity. One news paper kept this kind of writings active till 2001, a few weeks after the 9/11 no more writings like that in this news paper. A news papers that is pro pedophiles, pro racism, pro holiness of the Israeli jews, and defends all their evil deeds. It was for this reason why I became member of this news papers so I could follow their process. The day I had what I needed from this news papers was the day I canceled my membership. They had the nerves to call and demanded from me why I gave up my membership; my answer I hate Pedophiles, and those who support them and back them up, especially news papers like yours who smell like pedophiles.

Next to this, there were other problems in the fashion world, they were accused of racism, so the fashion world was looking for coloured meat they could use to fend of these accusations. Which was the moment I entered this world. Due to white features as they said, my colour being yellowish, my hair being long that could be straightened without chemicals, blowdrying was enough, I became the perfect candidate. And as such did I work, and was able to leave this country for the safety of Germany and Austria, which became my home base for the longest.
But before I left this country, I worked firstly in the Netherlands. The big catalogues were very interested and I was interested in them due to the high dayrates they were paying.
The work was between the Netherlands Dusseldorf Spain. Where I lived in hotels. In these 3 countries , I was clearly activated , I would wake up the next day my pyjamas outside hanging on my door or laying somewhere down the hall. This happened regardless if I locked the door and put the chair or table against the door. Waking up would show me directly if I had left the room or not due to the chair or..standing away from the door. I would wake up with pain in my body, or pain between my legs, and at times sperm would seep from between my legs.
By that age, I knew that they beeped me up, to visist some male and have sex with this male, at times I would wake up with complete new knowledge..making me feel like some matahari sex spy. And at times I would wake up with other realizations of what I might have done, due to certain proof I would see. And again I was pregnant ..while I had no sex in the awake reality, and again I went for abortion. No way in Hell nor Heaven would I keep a pregnancy that was activated due to beaming of me into the direction of strangers,.
My work in all these 3 countries was always booked from the Netherlands, so I connected 1+1=2.
Knowing that I had to find a country, that did not use the same programming. Which turned out to be Germany [ only dusseldorf has same policies] and Austria. In these countries, the dutch mindcontrol system had no authority. And many I got to know, knew about these policies, telling me that whatever I would do with my live, I should never do it in the Netherlands and I should not go back to the Netherlands. These knowings came from Politicians, many were and are good peoples, and as many are dogs who need to be sentenced to life long or to the electric chair.
One day I was asked to go to Milano with afew other models , and I said yes. The agency insisted that I would work like hell in Milano. And I said; I will check this place for one week. I was 17 years old.
In Milano it was clear to my eyes what the scene was for real. a scene that I never attended, and dislike very much. At the agency in Milano they did not get me, due to me refusing to walk like some dressed up dol on freaking high heels doing go and sees and castings. I refused the whole thing, and told them one week I will give you. they insisted this is impossible, and I said then I will leave. They said you need Milano as a model, and I said the world is my oyster, I do not need Italy nor its fashion scene. 5 days later I was booked for one of the biggest sport names, Italian vogue, and some other catalogue, and for most of the Italian designer shows, whom I refused due to them paying nada.
On location I got into a confrontation, with Casablanca who touched me and who was slapped real hard in his face by me, who promised me that I would will never work. My answer was the world is bigger than your small coke sniffing having sex with ;little 12 year old girls world.
This was heard and seen by others from Austria and Germany, who really hated the Elite etc American fashion-scene and gladly invited me into their scene. Just as in London-Paris-Milano and some more in Europe, the many bookers and scouters and agency owners in the USA are pedophiles and rapist under cover. They drug the models, who are mostly very young, and have sex with them.
Just as the many designers, who are falsely believed to be mostly gay males..not so at all. a few hetero males are present, but mostly they are gays, or pretending to be gay but are pedophiles. Why nobody ever looked carefully at the likes such as Calvin Klein, the Versace clan etc etc is beyond me. why nobody ever looked at many designer [brand] names and their ways is also beyond me. Many gay/pedo designers Hate Females older than 16. The females within this world, are also not kosher at all. Bookers-agency owners and scouters. The Lesbian dieseldikes, have the same nasty behaviour as the males, not as widespread, but still same ways, they will harass young female models as well. In Paris they made the mistake with me..I was booked for Elle, and had to do a fitting, at night. Which is not that unusual especially not during fashion weeks. When I arrived 2 females where awaiting me, first they talked and explained about the shooting, then we sat down they offered a drink, I refused because I did not drink alcohol. They tried to push me to say yes, I said no I want water. then one female started to touch me form one side and the other from the other side. I got up slapped both in their faces, and warned them that if they would come close to me, I would cut them. They left me alone, next day all my bookings were canceled in paris. I said f---- them, and went for a good underwear shopping spree, and went back to Austria. The interest from Milano in my person faded away as well, due to me cursing one well known photographer to hell, due to him wanting me to sniff coke so I would be ‘loose’ in front of that Camera. Milano-agency asked me if I was crazy, and I told them I do not do drugs, do not drink and do not f---- nor bow for any of you.
The working in Tokyo, for the Tokyo collections, allerted the heads in Monaco, who were interested in my person, and wanted Dior to use me for their show. I was booked for Dior in Tokyo, they saw me, marveled at me during the show. A bundle of French peoples wanted to talk to me, I decided why not. Until I saw who was interested in me, well known French actress, who was there with friends and her son. They looked at me as if I was some new doll, and tried to invite me to have dinner with them and come to Paris. When I looked at these peoples, I wondered what the hell do they want from me. The moment when I heard her son, who was with some American friend actors, show extreme interest in me. I thought hell no, and without saying goodbye I left while screaming for a taxi.
Yet their interest lingered, and the booking came in to do the Dior shows in Paris and Monaco. I told them Paris is ok, but hell will freeze over before I go to Monaco. They wanted to know why, I said I really, really Hate pedophiles and rapist, and the little incestuous elite group roaming that country, is exactly that what I hate the most. They tried to convince me of the importance, my response; so which dickhead wants to have sex with me? they were quit, and I said goodby I am not interested.
This was my attitude within this world. I looked and watched , I listened and learned, I analyzed the behaviour of many within this world, especially the girls known to the world as that one little group, who came to be known as the Supermodels, they were the first, and absolutely the last of their kind.
These girls many a times, would not be anything, especially not a supermodel, were it not for them having sex with powerfull corporate heads or other power heads. Many are nothing less than very expensive call girl. And many are absolute addicted to coke, which when its taken to much will need lots of alcohol or heroin to be able to rest or sleep.
The absolute wrong fashion models have been used as an example to make the girls in the world of the masses want to be just like them. Look at Kate Moss, coke-alcohol-heroin..and no she never did a real cold turkey, simply because she would break down into pieces and she would age over night, thus not being usefull any longer. Calvin Klein reintroduced pedophile fashion and desires back into the fashion scene, the day he used Kate for his campains, laying naked on the sofa.
Look at Naomi..look at the man she sleeps with, and ask yourself..? the last TVshow I saw with her, was so clear, that the females who where watching turned around and asked me, what the hell is she saying? Why is she so strange? Is she on drugs? The reason for their reaction was ; Naomi was babbling like some druggie, repeating herself over and over again “I am a Good girl, I work hard I deserve to make this much money, I am a good girl”” I told the other females, what you are seeing is a programmed high class hooker, who was allowed within that scene due to her being a good girl, which means she slept with the man who were interested in her. She never said no. By now she knows so much about these males, that its saver for them to keep her in their scene.

No programming the females and males without Fashion.
Gloria van der Bilt said ones "Fashion is a Reflection of our Times"

This does not count any longer at all.
Today one must say -Fashion is the Reflection of the Wishes and Doctrines, of Pedophiles-Rapist-Sodomites + Sadists.
Fashion serves depopulation matters in many ways.
Fashion is one of the biggest earth destroying policies of today.
Fashion serves Magical needs, as well as Satanic rituals.
Fashion creates Fashion Destroys.
Without Fashion no dictation, nor acceptation by free will, no programming the many, no new world order , no plastification of all and everything.
Fashion-Movies-TV-Music videos-Computergames, the most powerfull Educators of our times.


Austria/Vienna ...
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"Only a fool of a scientist would dismiss the evidence and reports in front of him and substitute his own beliefs in their place." - Paul Kurtz

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ryguy
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Postby ryguy » Wed Nov 15, 2006 4:48 am

Part 3 - Vienna and Modeling


Austria became a little magic town to my eyes the day I entered that country. Scouted by an Austrian couple of which the female was the owner of a well known Agency at that time, and a well known photographer this was the beginning of the 80s. They saw me in Mauritius during the face of the 80s held by Elite on that Island. From all the minds that showed interest in me, they were the ones who caught my interest. Simply due to the country where they came from Austria/Vienna. They introduced themselves saying; You have guts, we saw and heard what you said to Casablanca, a girl like you with your attitude would work really well in Vienna.

I looked at them and said ; really so you are going to tell me that the clients are not just looking for party and bed fillers? They insured me that this was not the case, and I warned them, if any man or woman would try to touch me I would rip their head off. They laughed and insured me hat if this would, happen I was allowed to do so. As the day rates paid to models in the Netherlands, did not go higher than 2000 marks, and the amount of clients resembling some incestuous clans, including this country and its direct surrounding countries not being save for my person, my choice was made within one blink, I would move to Heidi land. This was one move which pissed of those who showed interest in me from the south African modeling world, who tried to convince me to come to south Africa. I asked these minds,; But what about safety? I am not black nor white, I walk the middle line. Their answer; oh no you will work really hard My question; Why? Their answer; because you look white its only your skin that is not white. My answer; Wrong answer, I am who I am , my face show you the world colours in one. And when shuff comes to push, in your country, I do not belong to white nor black which can cause problems. Their response; We provide safety if needed.

My question ; what would cause me to need safety in your country. This silenced them up. And I said; South Africa harbours everything that ruined my anscestor history. I hate the white minds in that country, I hate the slave like behaviour of the blacks in that country, I hate the white families ruling there, I would cause a revolution in your country, I will never come to your country.
Why these mind not realize this to be the case was beyond me. Because while being in Mauritius, I was not nice to the minds from South Africa. It started the day we came back from a schooting for Ellesse sports. As we stepped out of the cars, many people had arrived from all parts of the world for this face of the 80s which was held on that Island [ and caused many nasty things to happen for many very young participants] including many from South African fasfion scene. Which was like a few miles away from the Island, said to be laying exactly on the opposite side of Sun City [ this place become very important in the waking up process, which started for real in 2000, after speaking in tongs] .
As we took our things out of the cars, some models went to their rooms from the back, and I went through the main entrance as my suit was on that side. The moment I went up the low steps, I heard one male voice saying loud; hey what is she doing? Stop it right there. I looked at where this order came from, and saw one group of extremely pale/tanned raw skin faces, looking at me with that one look in their eyes, which flashes immidiatly scenes from what these minds did in their lives or what their family lines did in their lives, which can cause extreme reaction from me.

The photographer and the others looked at these people, and then they looked at me. The photographer wanted to stop me from reacting, and I said stop me and see me leaving this Island before you can say boo. I walked straight to these imbeciles and asked them where they were from which confused them, due to this not being the reaction they desired. I knew that they were South African due to their really backwards Primitive kaffer dutch. If you speak this bad dutch in the Netherlands you do not get a job, and here I was looking at these backwards minds, who for some deluted reason came to believe themselves to be above the Black skin. I smiled and spoke elite ducth to them, using old dutch words. I spoke and this was very loud so all around dus could hear, what I had to say ; Wow lookie here, bad dutch speaking kaffers from south Africa, so how many Africans did you kill and rape? The females were schocked , the males their eyes became dark, and I continued. One thing, I am a guesst of this Hotel, my Dutch makes your dutch low caste poor white trash dutch. My history is real and I am a child of the red earth. Whereas when I look at you I see Danish Nazi doctors testresults, so how many of you ww2 clones live in south Africa?

The males started to make animalistic sounds, the photographer and some others stepped in, urging me to silence myself up, which caused me to look at all of them saying; one thing your days are over you just don’t know it yet. Take a good look at my face, cause this is the type of faces you guys will see everywhere at a certain time, my sisters and brothers will be screaming [ music videos] at you from the screens , one day, just before the ending of your days. And for now I advice you to stay away from me cause I will kick your ass all the way back to where you came from.


The behaviour/words were heard, and created 2 camps, one group that decided I was not to be trusted, the other group which was attracted by my behaviour, especially the workers in that hotel which were the low wages paid Islanders. The locals were used as very low wage workers, and had to bow to those with lighter skins. The day that I arrived at that hotel, and I wanted to go to my suit, they showed me who would be personally taking care of me, one young female with dark skin. The female was supposed to function like my personal ‘slave’ making sure that my wishes regarding the room etc was met. This was one thing I really really did not like. When I was in my room, she started to unpack my suitcase, I looked at her for one sec and stopped her, saying I will unpack my own stuff. This confused the girl saying; oh no mam this is my job, you sit down. I went hell no, and asked her if she had to listen to me and do what I say. She smiled and said Yes mam. I said; good I order you to sit down and read this magazine, while pushing her towards the chair and handing her one Vogue. The girl sat down looking confused . I looked at her and said, I know that this is your work and that you have no choice, but as long as you have to ‘serve’ you will listen to me, and what I see I a sister, I see the same when I look at you, your skin your hair, your past history, is the same as mines, so therefore you are my equal. As long as I am here you will do what I say, and that is, you may not serve me nor do my bed nor make my bed. When you come to my room, you may only do so when I am in the room. The result was that I let her sit down, and listen to what I had to tell her, I educated her about what happens in our western world. When I left I handed her a box, filled with the many present I had received from all these drooling males, a few books and a envelope with enough money for her to leave her work. I told her to open a small business for herself. I have no idea if she did so or not, cause I never went back to that Island. The locals on Mauritius were one of the most beuatifull peoples I met.

I was there for about 3 whole months, jogged with the dogs of the prime minister of that Island almost daily. Daily I had to decide which invitations I would take and which ones were not to be trusted. The way I dressed was completely against the dresscodes [ I always ignored dress codes ] in the most expensive, hotel on that Island, with way to many stars in the hotel , where one floor was served for the prime minister and his guesst and friends including his young boy lovers. The other side was reserved for the Monaco clan, yep those who call themselves royals. Who were present for some days. I refused the invitation, the photographer was angry, I said push me and I will scream rape and cause a scandal. He insisted that it was very important for me to sit on their table, and I told him if they want something, they can come to me. he laughed and said who do you think you are they are royal, you are a simply little girl. I said; correction, a; they are fake royals such as all who crowned themselves royals by killing the real royal families of the past. B; I am the queen of sheba and where she comes from your kind must come to me and I walked away, to the house of some locals who offered me the little food they had, and showed themselves to be of the highest nobel behaviour one can possibly imagine. To me it was simple the locals were real, the guesst and all who were at the hotel for the face of the 80s were fake. To me no grey areas. Black or white, left or right. cold or warm, yes or no. simple. Grey areas are needed in order to dilute the lesser knowing minds, make things very difficult and not understandable , to create schemes, such as to be found in the Lawbooks; one mother law;splintered into many fractions, way to many trees in the forest to see where you are going causing you to get lost.
At one point while we doing a shooting at the hotel itself, whith many eyes watching, I was standing in one stretched positon to long in the blasting sun, which caused me to faint for a split moment due to the lack of direct sugar. Which caused the photographer and the clients to insist that this was due to te cigarettes I smoked. So they actually tried to forbid me from smokeing a cigarette. My answer? I went to my bags and took a cigarette and lit it up. I was not a heavy smoker at that time, 5 cigs a day at the most. Or weeks without a cig. I looked at him and said this is the lack of sugar, and the wrong position for to long, so its your faulth that I fainted , and not the cigarette’s fault. He and they did not say anything, as we still needed to finish the schooting, and by now I had become the favorite of the clients, which caused the following situations, I worked the most, the other models hardly at all, while getting the same day rate, so I rebelled , I work more hours, I get more money or I leave the Island, so this was fixed. Later that day at dinner, again I found myself on a table, with well know heads, again they were drooling and again they wanted to know what I knew. At one point I took a cogarette, the photographer..became angry and took the cgarette out of my mouth forbidding me to smoke as long as I was working with him., while grabbing my pack and squeezing it in his hand. I looked at him, and around the table saw the pack of cigrette of one of the head clients, grabbed it, took a cig out and lit while looking in the eyes of the photographer. Everybody became silent, looking at the photographer and me, even the head clients. The photographer looked at me saying; I have no idea what you are up to, either you are deadly dangerous to the elite or you are incredible naïve. I had to laugh so hard that he got angry saying; you may fool the rest but I do not trust you. My response; Good cause I do not trust you nor your kind. The Ellesse man, had been silent so far. He looked at me smiling, offering me a cig, saying ; I have 2 cartons in my room, if you want some packs let me know. By this he silenced the photographer up, who got up and left the table. While I got into a heavy conversation with the Ellesse man, about racisms history and mind programming. He was surprised that I knew so much while being so young, as long as he was there I would sit with him and his guesst, who were much older, judging the behaviour of the many elite in that hotel. One thing I love very much, the elite judging the elite.. is when you get the most valuable information woah!

After this little clash with the photographer, my position in that hotel changed drastically. All elite guesst became caustious around me, the employees were happy when they were assigned to me, cause I gave them leave, I walked around the Island as if I was living there visiting locals in my free time. But was the first to jump high when it was time to leave that Island.
The reason being, it was getting harder and harder to keep my mouth shut while seeing what was happening on that island with the many very very young girls who attended this face of the 80s.

Magazines photographers designers groupies and horny old males who sponsored the face of the 80s [ one specific group sponsors all these fashion model of the year contest held around the world, always in search of clean ‘virgin’/Innocensa , coming form the girls who were as young as 13 years old [ keep this age in mind, its very, very important] , the oldest age was 18 years old.] contest like this are always fake, just as miss universe etc contest, they always know which girl will win, due to the country she comes from, which always has to do with economical, poltical and with which male sponsors the most, and who he favours, factors.

As I was not one of these girls, but a working model on location shoot, I was able to witness this whole madness, I saw what happened during the day, and at night. Due to me being in good terms with a bundle of these males, I was allowed to attend some of these meetings, by this knowing exactly which girl would become no 1. I did not agree, and simply could not resit myself to slip my tong which stated who would win, during a break wre the girls were sitting in the dressersroom. The seed I dropped spread amongst the girls, some started to rebel, which forced the heads to change their scheme. Wondering how the girls found out, this was 4 days before I left, which was on the day of the contest. [ what can I say Lucifer has always been my favorite angel] .
There were also topmodels, from the 80s around, of which one strangely enough found me to be dangerous to her own carier, which to me was due to blinded envy, fear of age, and me looking more natural and being lighter of skin, that caused her to react like a silly girl, the day she found out that I had signed up with the exact same agency she had. And actually told the bookers, that if they kept me that she would leave, and a such was I told, oops sorry but weel you know she is xxxx and still hot for now. And I smiled and said hmmm she is gonna hate herself one day when she gets older, which is stupid, she has made fake an art she should start her own line. She was in Mauritius, not being happy, not feeling good at all, to much private exposure, without makeup moments, which makes so many models esp. those who get older insecure. When I looked at her, I felt her very strong. It was she who made me realize one thing, never to let my appearance depend on fake, never. And I managed, I survived that scene, without loosing myself, being able to look in the mirror knowing I never ever f---- not for one job. I never became some old drooling nasty [ not so liked group within our societies ] strong smelling brrr males who need to create fantasia world, such as the fashion-movie-music world, so they may walk like kings in that world, playing solomons garden, where they can pick whatever fruit they desire, all young and fresh, 2 times a year fresh supplies used to be their amount of food, yet these days they have become more hungrier, 5 times a year, tand the age of the models is getting younger and younger, while the many parents who birth these young girls, bath themselves many times in the starlight which is bestowed on their offspring , which blinds them to the very bad truth. It’s the same as with these little toddlers contest, how much do they love these little cherubine. Things like this should be forbidden. Now beauty contest whatsoever, pre tell what are we females cattle? The day beauty took over, humanity became dumb and cold.

Back in Milano I heard who had won, which made me laugh so much. Due to them having to use ballots, the oldest girl amongst these girls won, a dutch girl, who had the biggest ears when I told them that they knew who would win, and that everything they told them was faked. She became a well known dutch model in New York, and has now her own bussines.

Back in Milano, I said goodby to the agency, who wanted to know when I would be coming back, and me telling them Never. That what I needed to know from the milano scene I got to know.

One thing I also got to know in those days was, that churches and I did not go well together. This realization was already present in my childhood, due to me getting weird vibes from churches, mind you not all churches, only specific churches. My absolute first fashion show was at the age of 17, this was held in one of the oldest churches in DenHague. Standing in between office buildings, separated by a surrounding iron fence. A church which is not just used as mass church. They hold fashion shows there as well as music performances. The first show I did was in that church, all was well, until the final scene came for me, being the bride [ lord knows how many times I had to play bride during shows or fashion shootings, which should make it understandable that I for one do not believe nor see any positive nor growth within the constitution called marriage..wedlock serves as a deathlock for the female and is very much needed to prepare the mind of the little ones for PArental educational programming, so the kids will be broken and obey the teachers in school, especially if they are deathly religious; in order to be able to have access of constant flow of ‘soldiers’ and slaves one needs parents who are religious, who birth children who will be religious as they know no other live nor ways, who will become parents who will birth children until the day that the chain is broken ] as I walked down the catwalk , I felt strange, as if I had entered a completely different sphere bubble, the voices of the many all of a sudden became loud and clear for me to hear, so I looked at where certain words came from to see, that the mouths of these people did not move, it took me a few sec’s to realize..damn I am hearing their thoughts. As I stood in the middle of the catwalk, on my way back, I felt electricity running through my body from my toes to my head. As I wanted to make my final pose I heard oh my go, coming from many minds, the eyes of the many looked strange, and due to one pointing at me, I looked down to see, blood on my bridegown, I had started to bleed from my nose and the blood had dripped from my nose to the middle of the gown. When I saw this, I could not help myself but laugh, thinking damn this church is a devils church. When I went backstage they were waiting for me, being verry worried, due to the bleeding not stopping. I was brought to the house of the clients who had called a doctor, to see what had happened. This was the moment that I discovered that I had been bleeding between my legs as well. When the doctor came he gave me something to stop the bleeding as he could not see what caused it. the bleeding, which stopped after 3 hours so all was well. In Milano the exact same happened with that huge church/dome in the center at that big square [ cant recal the name of the square, its that famous one] –In Spain standing in front of one church, I did not even had to enter this church, cause my nose went pop, standing in front of that church, one huge church in Koln caused the same thing, in Vienna the exact same thing happened at the Stephans dome [ but I must say I actually called for this one, I had to try something in that dome simply could not resist] so by this time, I knew that something was absolute wrong with these kind of churches, and the last church were this happened was an old very dark church in New York, which looked very much the same as that one old church in Den Hague. Here I felt as if some huge devil force was sleeping, I felt tremblings and pain. Looking at this church my eyes saw vibrations, not known to my eyes, so I have no idea what this meant, then my body set of one huge alarm, blocking me from going through that fence. My nose warned me one more step and you will faint. This was the last time I looked at a church [ until my visist to London and Toronto this year/2006 ]


From Milano I went back to the Netherlands, from there I headed straight to Austria. And lo and behold , in this country nobody dared to make a move towards me like that. By this it became my home base for quit some years. From here one my eyes started to open more and more by this seeing more and more. Vienna to me is a state of the mind, either you love it or you hate it. nothing in between My mind was allowed to take a rest in this country, analyzing matters so far. Storing that what I had seen so far, in the correct ‘rooms’in my brain. The first peoples I met in this country were basically All foreigners, many Americans, Perzians family’s, English, Africans and needless to say Italians and many form the former soviet union countries [ in these countries I encountered the most beautifull old extremely high intelligence minds ] The males I met in Austria were extremely mannered and cautious around me, even that they were bussy in their heads undressing me, they knew that I was of limit, many tried but it came to one point, that as many knew, that it was of no use trying to cath this fish. From the moment that I took a apartment and signed myself in as a residential person in that city, something weird started to happen. Firstly the Catholic church contacted me, and send me a Bill, stating the sum that I had to pay, due to being a member of the catholic church, I actually had forgotten about this fact. I looked a the paper, saw red hot, and called their office, telling them a bundle of things regarding their religion as experienced by me as a child in the Netherlands. I said; it should be clear that I do not contribute financially to your religion, factual, its your church that should contribute to my existence as its your kind that stole from my kind. Never ever contact me, or you force me to play devil. They did not say much, and left me alone. To me that was it. [ I had no idea that the vaticano would become important in the years after the 9/11 2001] Secondly, a few months later, the mail box started to show me envelops with head/high families etc containing invitations to their parties gatherings dinners and houses. My first friends in that country were exclusively American models, and Artisians. The models where at first on distance, all models, in the beginning, like the first year, they had no idea how to behave around me, stating that they were not used to a girl having this kind of attitude as I displayed. They thought of me to be very elitaire. Which was due to my bahviour as well as the families and Atrisians which showed interest in me, as well as politics. I did not know, and still do ‘not’ know why I got these invitations [ one of the few remaining weirds of my past] I did not attend all, picked out the scenes I did not know, demanded for my to always come with 2 friends. In the beginning some asked me why? My answer always was the same, I do not know you guys, I am used to man wanting to rape me, and as such do I not enter your scene without protection. Some smiled understandingly, others were catious and some decided hell no that I would be allowed in their private spheres. Which to me filtered out, those who were nice, and caused me to focus on them who were not nice.

In this country I developed a stronger taste for books, old books, the book were about many different things, I never looked for a book, the book always first speaks to me, or the writer/the spirit that visists me due to having questions, thus when the question becomes pending I wnet out 16/17 ect bibles in writings looking like some little devil wrote them..seldom felt warmth..many secrets many families many milkyways so to speak..like Cyrano Bergerac ..mythology, old former soviet union countries religious books, political dissidents their stories. And a first print of Morgana , very small book, never understood why this tale all of a sudden became this big that the books wer all of sudden thick..weird. then I realized og they add lies to the truth to delute the mind of the reader, so I knew by this that only when its time I will start opening the book. I can not read books without seeing the tale and the reasons for and without makinmg notes etc etc so its kind of complicated how I read.
My taste in books and music were always heavier than most around me By the age of 13 I was into you know the jane austens wuthering heights etc yet I never talked to peoples about my opinions cause well I reall read different things, and very seldom does one find another mind that sees simialir let alone same. By 14 I was into the Russian library, old English writers, old Ghotic german , I would buy these books stroll through them stating at a certain age after my 39th b-date I would start reading them. Yasnaya Polyana/Tolstoy was my favorite mind at that time. And remained one of my favourites till today. And became one of my ‘teachers’in these last 7 years.
It was in Vienna were the strangest things started to occure, meaning paranormal matters, and me developing into a house of spirits, or so it seemed. .

IN the beginnings it was traveling from that country to so many countries that I lost track, I was booked by agecies/clients I had never heard of. my work was fashion shows-editorial-catalogues-commercials in the fields from underwear/bathingsuits –sports-fashion-fur-to juwel shows of the highest order.

My work covered 9 months of the year. And stopped only if I took a leave, which I actually did many times, to reset my inner electromagnetic field, which would be completely disturbed after roaming their world for a few months. Going into retreat set the balance back within, ready to absorb new informations.
One day a bundle of Artisians came to me, telling me they had been observing me for some time, and that they were impressed with my beings, and that they were looking for a new face for their line of clothing. I said yes, and by this I entered that scene [ which is my favourite scene, I love minds that contain high levels of Imaginations by which they Create.] one of these much older males became my sexual partner for a short time [ I simply could not be turned on by young males, they know nada regarding sex, whilst my sexual knowledge seems to be ancient old at times , therefore no equal match possible with those who are young..however at a certain age above 30 I switched to 10 or 15 years younger than me, cause by this age the older man became pensioners in my sexual world ]

Due to me seemingly knowing so much about sex, I became a sex counseler to my friends, females and males alike. [ is one thing that has remained with me till today. Where I teach the younger females as well as the younger male the truth about sex, once understood, they do not hop around like drugged rabbits homping everything that moves, simply because they do not want to end like their parents. Gentic/dna modification starts with the teaching and advocating and exposure of wrong sexual manners]

What sort of advises did I give? One day a male model came to me, he had a new girlfriend who wanted him to go down on her, he really really was in love with her and he felt that she could be the one, he wanted to make a family with, but well he simply could not go down on her. So a female send him to me telling him that I could help. I looked at him and laughed, asking/telling him..so your first experience regarding this, was with a female who was nasty down there, that she made you puke? He looked at me face red needing a few seconds before he could look at me in the eyes. Seeing that I was smiling like I was Garfield [ my favorite cat] I said no worry sit down and listen to mommie [ since the earliest childhood years I would call everybody my child, youngsters and adults even my mother I would cal child , when I was young the adults would smile, when I became a bit older, they became irritated even angry. Which was also due to me always pointing at them when I said something. The pointing of a finger , triggered always so many negative reactions, that this became one quest for me as to find out why, this made so many regardless of their skin colour thus culture—angry. The day my hair turned white, 1999, the objection became significant less. ] oh the solution was he had to shower with her , groom her and explore eves garden, he decide to become a ‘gardener’ due to nature being so very healthy.

Before I continue the my years leading up to the eclipse of 1999 up to now and the why of it all.., cause this is basically what this tale is all about, I would like you to understand a few words to the bone.

{{ The words Imagination-Fantasia-Realize Realization need t be understand as tools of and for creations, cause its by our imagination that we can create , and are creating, let me give you one good example, 9/11 2001 loook how much fear has been created by this, especially fear in the streets and houses, nesxt look at how much hate it created, hate in the house workplace schools tv music , look how much sex has increased? WHY? Why has and is something of such beautifull creational powers been defiled lie this? Why does this madness goes hand in hand with violent and war, why does sexual behaviour increase while at war??? }}

The painter I was with, was into smoking joints as many are in that world, which is one of the many worlds, that seek to talk to the gods, by smoking the holy ganya, which the ducth families used to their benefite which became their own hangman in their end. [ the end has been written and lived already, we are merely but reliving this moment..??? later will come explaination..] A mistake which was a set up by another family, which does NOT like one dutch family at all. he carried many mysteries with him, as he had been living for quit some time with some Bedouin tribe, wandering with them in the Deserts, he had experienced many magical weird in these Arab countries , and as such did I get a lot of spiritual informations from him. He was also the student of some very old well know RUSsian painter, thus he carried his stories and frequencies withing him as well, to him this Matu[] was a guru, and I must say he painted extraordinary. He had one small painting from him, the eye in the clouds windy clouds and one eye .. He Knew how to tell his stories he passed beautiful stories and the many loved to mlisten to his tales he would tell them while Painting..mysterious and Spiritual mind thuse Eyes that See the world Differently, he paints thus he becomes Part of Creation. Humanity forgot this one truth regarding Artisians, yet the controllers their watch-dogs never did.

Even that I really was not into the kind of spiritual manners as he and a bundle of his friends were. They tried to pull me into their circles , but I was into that what I call new age madness, they remind me of christians many a times.
I was not into drugs at all, so the period that I was with him, we had some clashes due to his artist friends and him smoking. The Netherlands with its many druggies, including the fact that my mother became an alcoholic after the lost of her favorite angle son.. And as my mind remembered the past, at all times, even that I had put it safe in the background, I was so against everything that could take your mind over.

I went out without drinking nothing. At some date I broke upo with him, cause that what in needed to learn about paintings and architecture and basically the creating of illusion by layers of colours and shadows and lights.Yet ..one day I decided I had learned enough from this man, and I broke, it took some time before he could give up on me, males..they are like puppies at times, sorry but its true, they can simply not let go of a good bone. Ha. Anyway one day aletr at night, he came by he just wanted to talk see if I would not change my mind, this was around September 1986, which was already a very strange year, it was as if something was set loose that year, like some force had started to travel, in that year many weird happened, which changed me drastically, it opened a door through which feelings tried to emerge, thus far I had been very robotic, very inquisitive always wanting to know why, never trusting not one answer until proven to be. Always scanning the adults, always knowing what they would do and see what the children would become, I always knew that TV was fake that movies send out messages..movies can function like wind wavelengths frequencies, very sharp, like a movement , hair eyes a moment in time..sadly humanity never asked himself, which time what do you mena by moment? Cause there is way more with movies than the audience realizes let alone knows and understand..my favorite were the silent movies, why nobody recoqnizes; Known again Identify as known before.Remember , that these silent movies have been their/bad aliens who want to take us over,.deal with it they exist.] books of live, is beyond me. they showed humanity from the very beginnings of their stage appearances who they were and what they wanted, but lordie how many saw?

Anyway back to that smoky night, when my ex came by, we sat it was warm we talked and he was making his joint, he always got the best hash from political friends who use their so called travels to bring much into the country that is not so legal like hash, but well who can blame them? They know how smoking is not really bad, its how you smoke and when and what etc ..its merely a herb that activates certain lobes..rooms chambers stairs going up and up and up. It can be a stair way to heaven. but helas used against humanity..as everyting. Including what we call sex.

As we were talking he was on the sofa I was on my bed which I used a a sofa as well r’member I was still young. As he was smoking , I said hand me over that joint, he looked at me surprised, squeezed his eyes, saying what? You want what, a joint ..why this is not funy now that we broke up you want a joint? I said its best that we broke up, and b its time for me to go spiritual, why I said this, I had no idea, at that time.

He rolled big fat ones , so this was like a blast, well officially it should have ben, but the first one was nothing, the second was like, why do the many spend money on such a thing and the third one took 3 puffs and BANG!!!
I have no idea what exactly happen and how well, by now I know but at that time, I really had no idea.

I went into trance, flew all the way back to Egypt, was in some huge kind of temple yet living or gathering spaces as well..something was going on..i was in the miuidlle of some huge room-huge windows..high open doors..it was during the day..the many males were listening to what I saying, which was in some old Egyptian language. I was telling them to bring the man into safety to take special care of the females and children..and to get the men redauy for battle..the battle that was fought was not a normal human battle;.[ please take a note I remember things like this ‘loud’ only but ones ok?] we were fighting against something else which came from above they were not from here, these flying object as they would say were not strange to that what we have today.. yet different, one could say they functioned as the role models for what we have today up in the air even earth.

The sky was differently coloured as well it was daylight yet different at one side it was getting weird dark, not like clouds darker red but dark orange red bloody brown red..i have no idea till today what it is that I saw, unless its that big bang mentioned somewhere, the day that Scorpio and Virgo got Ripped apparts due to some force from outside this Universe its spheres, when the Crab started to bleed, when the Balance was ripped appart and the scale went a 36 degrees.
Then all of a sudden a blieped out of this moment in trance to move to another one which was me dancing , my painter ex said that at one point in between I woke up, and was talking to beings in the hall way of the apartment..i can not remember, I was talking to some priest before I switched to that other reality. The other part I was in some temple, where I was dancing, I kid you not, with veils and snakes and all..magical I must say, my painter-ex said that I was moving my arms llike snakes and reminded me that I always sleep or rest or lay down with my arms llike a dying swan and well snakes and me go well together, snakes never bite me they always backed off staring and staring and dancing like swaying I like them, they are soooo very sensitive.tssss, [ what the many do with snakes,, I would love to do back at them.] they tried to set up 2 scenes during my modeling years in Vienna, needless to say that at some point, some minds discovered that I was unusual, and the ‘harassing’ started, which made me decide to leave .

One time during one fashion show, the georgrapher decided to go ‘wild’ he had me with some huge males set as some mysterious thing, with snakes, the males however did not that I had a snake with me in my hands, so when we were half way one male saw the snake in my hands, which really was not big, in my eyes little, the snake was relaxed in my hands, yet the moment it sensed the fear of the male who alerted the other males which caused 3 males to get scared, thus fear oozing, muscles no guts poesies, afterwards somebody told /asked me if I knew that the snake was posiones as well . what happened was the guys started to fera, they started to ooze of a frequency sweat/odor making the snake nervous and a bit later angry she/he got up stretched itself like some snail becoming bones some tiny matrix bone skeleton, very fine weaved electricity wall, the intention to bite was absolute, it looked at me and I wnet what the f----, hell no. I reacted, by memory;which I became to realize at later date. I started to hiss and move my arms and danced along with the snake..this set the snake of for real cause she/he went like Uh..? it stopped and made a ? form for real. I smiled and said nobdoiy is going to kill me but me ok..and I went outside gave the snake to the woner and went Off one these whiny fearfull muscular males, really I had no good words left for males by that time, no respect no nada, mind you females were in it as well, I never liked females either, many times I decided its best to regard myself as some alien mutant, makes things easier to understand, when it becomes unhuman ability madness.

Anyway after the Egypt thing, my painter ex contacted some guys who where into egypts mysteries and they shoed me books etc photosor artifacts or pyramids and I went uh? cause the memory at that moment was gone for one part..it was the dancing that had did something to my mind, cause its felt more like I had been dancing like a snake for my arms did things that made me go uh?? like I had many snakes dancing with eachothers..something like that..and my back moved different as well.

From Here on Things started to change..for real..lord knows what set it off..but something entered my spheres, I have ni idea what it was, it took me some weeks to get over that strange feeling, not to many noticed, for one thing I was an excellent actress, yet in my head and my body stuff was happening, which I liked to retreat and go empty. My awarensss changed ones again, which has been going in stages, for most of my live have I been following the flow, just as with music I follow the Strings, its like some electrical cord, after a few weeks I was me yet a little bit morethan me..new info knowledge more cocky spirit..like I was getting at a certain age 24 I believe. It was the time of me changing my music taste as well I have like a schyzo taste of music all kinds yet..one binds them my reaction, if I do not reactt the music is silenced., this became my U-2 mindset and mentality as in judging. Good vibrations this man has. Again a Artisian a Visionaire those containing Compassion, which shows how much he feels a thing not to many see, the day I heard his voice I knew he would be the only one who would one day nunderstand Marvin Gay another spiritual master during my years and as of 1999/2000.....For continuation of the Vienna years ..see next part4
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"Only a fool of a scientist would dismiss the evidence and reports in front of him and substitute his own beliefs in their place." - Paul Kurtz

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